Everything started when I was 6 years old. I was sexually abused by a family friend, who was in his 30s. My family thought he was a good man, but he threatened me and said that I couldn’t tell anyone, because he was my friend and would take care of me. At the age of 7 and 12, I was abused again. This started to seem normal. He would abuse me and my friends, then he’d give us money to keep us quiet. When I turned 13, I thought my life would change, but it just got worse. I met a guy, who turned out to be my first boyfriend, and had my first relationship. My parents didn’t like it at all because he was older. Besides the constant arguments, he also cheated on me. We stayed together for about 5 years. Angry with the situation, I became cruel and started cheating on him with his friends.

While I was at a party, I met my current husband. He was a drug addict, living on the streets. So I began using drugs with him, thinking it would make him happy. I also spiraled out of control with alcohol. I didn’t care about anything else, I just wanted to get high. Some time passed and we got married. The abuse was constant, not only verbal but also physical. We even used knives during fights and I’ve tried to kill him. We ended up separating.

I wanted to be a model. I liked to take sexy photos and post them on social media. I met some friends, who introduced me to the world of luxury and fame. I started going to clubs and using more drugs. These girls were models, dancers and high-class escorts. I dove into that lifestyle. I was fascinated with their cars, their belongings and wanted everything they had. But deep down, I was very sad and depressed. I argued with everyone, my parents, brother, friends… I did photo shoots and videos, anything to get my name in the newspapers. I wanted to be famous, no matter the price. I decided to become a dancer in a funk group, working out and wearing revealing clothes. I wanted to be the center of attention. I liked to provoke married men and seduce them. I would stay weeks away from my daughter and husband.

I traveled a lot. I thought that flying on planes, sleeping in hotel rooms and trying new foods was the coolest thing ever. Fame was my dream. During shows, I did everything the MC told me to. I wanted to be the best and the most attractive, without measuring the consequences. Men and women thought I was a call girl, so they would try to negotiate a price, which made me feel humiliated because I was just a dancer. One day, I received an offer to strip at a nightclub. Thinking that I would just go to dance and really needed the money, I decided to accept. Afterwards, I felt dirty, humiliated, degraded and, in the end, I had to drink with customers to earn more money. It was humiliating, I felt like the worst woman on the face of the earth.

I began having relationships with women, because I no longer believed in men. I became an MC, and did shows. I dove head first into fame, because I had nothing to lose. I wanted to be famous, so I signed up for every competition possible, even for “miss bumbum.” I took half-naked pictures and posted them on social media, because I wanted to get likes and comments. I was addicted to the Internet and social media. I lost my dignity and respect; no one believed me.

Years passed and I became discouraged, nothing seemed to catch my attention any more. Depression took over, I didn’t want to get out of bed and I often let my daughter go hungry. I mistreated her; I wanted to kill her. My ex-husband at the time, did not help much, because he used drugs so we never had any money. There were times when a friend brought me food. I planned my death several times, imagining day and night about how I would kill myself. I saw shadows and felt the presence of dead people. I spoke with them and felt a strong headache every day. The doctors said I was depressed.

There was an enormous void in me. On one of the days that I had planned to die, my mother came over, saw that I wasn’t well and made me promise not to do anything rash. I went to work with her as a manicurist. Once there, I began searching the Internet for the fastest ways to kill myself. Everything was set for that night. A customer came in and sat down. While I was doing her nails, a voice kept telling me to cut her and rip her open. But the woman began sharing her testimony. She explained how she fought hard for her life and that God saved her. At that moment, all the evil thoughts disappeared; I went home and cried a lot. I turned on the TV, changed the channel and the Universal Church’s program was on. At the end of the program, I drank the water that had been prayed over and felt relieved. I didn’t even understand why I was crying.

I went to the Universal Church, fought during 3 months and was delivered. I was introduced to the Youth Group, who helped me overcome my fears and complexes. They believed in me and taught me how to be a young visionary. I no longer have depression, or those terrible headaches. I’m very happy. I regained my respect and my dignity. I was baptized in water and born again. I had an encounter with God and received the Holy Spirit. Today, I live in harmony with my husband and my family. My husband was also delivered; he no longer uses drugs and is in the same faith.

Lorena