“A self-confident person isn’t boastful or pushy but is secure with herself in a way that inspires confidence in others.” Emily Post

If you’re beautiful but you lack confidence, your beauty means nothing… shocking isn’t it? I didn’t understand this for a very long time and when I come to think of it, no wonder I had a hard time having my own style, looking pretty, and even letting my hair grow long…

My sister and I were best friends, but unfortunately there were times that one over-shadowed the other; and with every instance, a piece inside of us would get affected badly. Her birth defect led her to a deep need of attention, and to ease her pain, our family and friends would give it to her mostly. My lack of birth defect led me to a deep guilt that also led me to being content with being constantly in her shadows.

Vivi grew up accustomed with the attention and when it wasn’t given to her, it’d be a problem.

I grew up accustomed to being in the shadows, hiding myself as much as I could behind people I thought were more deserving.

And though I was eventually baptised with the Holy Spirit in my teens, that insecurity walked around with me all the time. Everywhere I went, there it was. Everything I did, there it disturbed me. Everyone I met, there it exposed me badly. So I became known as the ‘boring’ sister, or ‘the one that would probably get married late in life’, and the famous — whenever people called me, they called my sister’s name… ‘oh no, you’re the other one, Cristiane right?’ and then the usual would follow ‘I always get your names mixed up.’ But that would never happen with my sister… interesting…

Instead of getting offended by those comments or at least, answering back at them, I’d always take them in as proofs to my already distorted belief about myself. Yes, I’m not as funny as my sister is. Yes, I’m quite boring to talk to. Yes, I’m so shy I’ll have a hard time finding myself someone who will love me the way I am. Yes, I’m not as bold as my sister, nor as strong, I might as well stay here, in the shadows of everyone else in my life.

Marrying Renato changed everything, but not immediately. It took me years to get rid of all that baggage I had packed during my whole childhood. But when I finally did, my marriage changed completely. I felt attractive for the first time in my life. I let my hair grow and I have left it long since. Funny how our looks can be linked to how we feel inside.

‘What’s the secret?’ you may be wondering.

FAITH. I began believing in myself without the need to seeing anything. I’d do what God put in my heart without the lest concern of how incapable or small I was, and so He began using me. I began to understand that the less capable we are, the more He’ll use us and so I took advantage!

If He said:

“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.” 1 Corinthians 1:27

Then just obey.