Read the previous post here…

Giving up on a marriage should only be the very last option, after several sincere attempts to save it. But at times, it’s the only solution. I want to stress once more that despite this advice given, the choice of going on with your marriage or not is completely yours. Make sure you do your part to get help, learn more, and consider wisely, but in the end the decision is yours. After all you’re the one that’ll have to live with it afterwards.

I spoke previously about what you should consider and do before thinking about giving up on your marriage. However, my advice below is only for those who followed the advice given in the previous post. I have seen thousands of people save their marriage to live happy lives after following our advice. Therefore, don’t think right off the bat that there’s no hope and the only solution is divorce.

Many times, when you’re in the worst moments of a relationship, your emotions sky rocket, the thought of giving up is very strong. But, it’s rarely the right decision. Remember, you often think giving up is the solution to end the pain, rather than the right way to reach a permanent solution. Fleeing from a problem doesn’t teach you anything for your next relationship, all it does is encourage you to flee again as new problems come up. Therefore, the choice to leave your spouse cannot be based on your emotions but something rational, and therefore it should never be taken in the heat of emotions.

Many cite the words of Jesus “What God has joined, man shall not separate,” to say that divorce is never an option because it displeases God. Be sure of one thing: every divorce displeases God. Don’t doubt it one bit, but God Himself allowed divorce in cases of betrayal. Not because He wanted it like that, but because He doesn’t want to put more embarrassment, or pain on the person that was betrayed. Therefore, if the person who’s been betrayed wants a divorce, He allows it.

Also consider the first part of this verse: “What God joined, man shall not separate.” What God has joined together should not be separated by man. I believe that. Now I ask you: do you believe that every marriage exists because God has joined these two people?

I don’t. Absolutely not, I dare to say that many, many marriages are not made by God. People marry for the most mundane reasons: to leave their parents’ home, to deal with an unexpected pregnancy, to be on the same level as friends and family members who already got married, to please (or displease) their parents, to have a sex partner, to have kids, to do well financially… and many other reasons.   Don’t tell me that God is the one who brought them together.

So yes, there are couples who should’ve never gotten together. It wasn’t the will of God. It’s true that if they would turn to the Author of marriage, He could fix the mistakes and make it right. That happens a lot. All they have to do is want this.

But what if one of them doesn’t? Does the other have to live the rest of their life suffering?

No. God never inflicts this pain on anyone. So, my faith, that doesn’t impose on anyone, tells me that if I was in a marriage from hell, fighting with all my strength for a person who doesn’t even want me, nor God, nor our marriage, I wouldn’t hesitate on leaving her and seeking someone else. Again, I would try everything first. I would do my part. I would seek God. But if for a long time I wouldn’t see improvements, I would end my marital mistake.

Of course, this decision has other considerations: age, children, personal faith, what has been tried already, if I fixed my behavior, if the other person wants to sincerely fix the marriage, financial conditions, the future, and others, depending on each individual. From here you would have to consider all those things and use your faith along with your intelligence to decide.

Ultimately, the question you have to ask yourself is: “What is my faith? What do I believe?”

If your faith tells you with all certainty that you have to continue and fight for your marriage, then go ahead. If your faith tells you, and your conscience is clear, that you’ve tried everything and it’s time to leave this marriage from hell, then go according to your faith.

One way or another, this same faith will sustain you in the days to come, after the decision.