According to history, it’s very clear how everything started. God created man and woman to serve each other. The man was called husband, which means “caregiver.” His main role is to take care of his wife. A quick look at your dictionary and you will see a long list on the meaning of the word “care.”

To take responsibility for something, to give attention to it, take an interest in it, think about it, to protect, treat well, assist, provide, and worry about.

Most women feel happy when their husband fulfills even half of this list.

Women on the other hand were chosen by God as “assistants” to assist their husbands. And the definition of the verb “assist” or “to help” has an even longer list…

There’s no way to mistake the interpretation of the word. God’s idea of marriage consisted of men serving women and vice-versa. A healthy competition of who would do more for the other. That’s true love.

Unfortunately many things have changed since then. Many have entered the marital state thinking of being served by the other but not serving them. And that’s when the nagging comes in. “You didn’t do this for me.” “You don’t care about what I want, you only think about yourself.” “If you don’t give me the proper attention, I’m going to look for it somewhere else.” “You don’t help me.”

You this, you that. The focus is on receiving and not giving; to be served instead of serving. It’s a battle of the egos.

Obviously we also want to receive, not just give. And it would seem logical that if we want to receive we must ask. Yet in the logic of the Author of Love, giving is asking. When I give to someone, that person is indebted with me. The more I give, the higher the debt. And there’s no human who likes to be in debt—much less being charged for something. So, we should give because it’s our role, our responsibility. Give because we believe in the law of giving and receiving.

Cristiane and I went through this very experience. In the beginning of our marriage, she had such high expectations of me that I was never able to live up to them. So, she would do what she thought logical: she charged me. And justifying myself, I would reply that I was already doing more than enough and that she was the one complaining for no reason. It didn’t work, it only brought us frustration.

So she changed tactics. She decided to stop nagging and began giving. It didn’t take long for things to change, and the healthy competition began. I became interested in pleasing her, doing what she liked because she was doing what I liked too. In other words, we finally understood the meaning of marriage.

Whether your partner deserves it or not, try fulfilling your original role as wife or husband. Be a servant and stop nagging. Do this always, not just for a couple of days. And then see what happens.

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