Blog Renato Cardoso | 23 de January de 2014 - 10:26

When someone loves another, do they cheat on them? The answer will surprise you


The couple entered our counseling room. The husband had a look of shame, failure and defeat on his face. He even had difficulty lifting up his head. His shoulders slumped; he sat in front of us as his wife sat beside him. She had obviously cried a great deal the last couple of days. But he was the one who explained the reason for the visit:

— I cheated on my wife. I love my wife, but I ended up getting involved with this other woman at work. We’re here because we want help in order to start over.

I love my wife, but I cheated on her with someone else. Perhaps you noticed that this phrase is contradicting. How can you betray someone you love?

The great myth that many husbands and wives believe is: “If you love your spouse, you won’t feel attracted to any other person.”

In fantasyland this myth is true. In the real world, things are quite different. Humans are full of weaknesses. The flesh is weak. The eyes see and lust after. The imagination travels. The heart desires.

Then add to that the social and cultural attack which incessantly promotes infidelity, promiscuous sex, women as objects and the male image of the player. Add a little bit of pornography and good doses of lack of attention in a marriage. All of the sudden, that phrase doesn’t seem so contradicting anymore.

So let’s go to the truth. Fasten your seat-belts.

Husband, wife, here’s a thought: you’re human. You’re faulty and prone to making mistakes, you’re tempted by the forbidden, and given the appropriate circumstances, you will probably cheat on your spouse. And in the moment of truth, when you’ve already been hooked by your feelings and adrenaline, your so-called “love” won’t stop you from cheating.

So then are we all condemned to cheat?

No. That’s where you have to learn what true love does in these situations:

Those who love run away from evil and don’t put their trust in their own strength.

If I love my wife, the moment that my eyes are attracted by another woman, I will run from her. I wouldn’t keep staring at her or looking for opportunities to be near her. I won’t fool myself into thinking that I’m strong enough and can get near her, play a little bit because after all, I would know how to stop. I’m human. I can fall just like any other man. That’s why, I run from evil.

If you, woman, love your husband, you won’t continue feeding fantasies in your head through inappropriate conversations with other men — whether at work, on the internet, or even in your mind, remembering someone from your past.

If you’re going to have eyes for someone, let it be your spouse. If you’re going to have a romantic adventure, let it be with your wife or husband. Strengthen your relationship. Go back to one another.

To love means to do the right thing. It’s to run from evil and not trust your own strength. If you practice this in your love life, you’ll never use the word “cheat” in the same sentence as love.


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