Our baggage, differences, personalities, tastes, expectations etc. all make a way for relationship problems ahead. When they show up and you don’t know how to deal with these differences, they are badly dealt with and the marriage deteriorates. If nothing happens within a few years, divorce happens. After all, isn’t divorce simply a way to run from marital problems that were never resolved?

Even couples who love each other end up separating sometimes, or they live together as if they were complete strangers, because they can’t solve the conflicts within their relationship. In truth, what’s really happening is that they are set on changing their partner. They think: If I could only make my husband/wife be like me, then all our problems would be solved.” So they criticize, accuse, point out each others mistakes, while justifying their own actions. So they go around in circles getting nowhere. When one of them finally gets tired of this insanity, he or she decides to separate.

To live in a happy marriage is an art – it’s the art of problem solving. There are at least 7 billion problems in the world today – every human has at least one, and most likely many more. Somehow we live on, despite the problems. We are able to solve some of them, while others we learn to deal with until the day we find a solution. Problems are a part of life. Those who are more equipped to solve problems have more success; those who are less equipped, fail more. It’s the same thing with marriage. If you want your marriage to be bullet-proof, you should start by deciding to become an expert problem solver.

Note: Solving problems doesn’t fix people. Your focus should be solving the conflicts between the two of you, changing the situation, and not fighting the other person. Thinking that you can fix people (change them to your liking) is a big mistake. Not only will you fail, but you’ll end up thinking that the problem is the other person, so you have to break-up and find someone else. Basically, you didn’t learn to problem-solve in your first marriage, and then you go into your second marriage but still lack the ability. So you end up with the same and new problems, while you continue failing at marriage. Is it surprising that the divorce rate for those who marry a second, third (etc.) time rises?

Our method is much more effective: it helps you to spot the real problem, find the root, and eliminate it so you can keep it from growing back.

An excerpt from the book “Casamento Blindado” (Bullet-proof Marriage)
— written by: Renato and Cristiane Cardoso. Chapter 4, pages 50-51.