Faith is to understand that the Word of God always goes beyond the obvious. Proverbs 18:19 states that “A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, And contentions are like the bars of a castle”. This text describes exactly what happens when someone allows themselves to be offended: they close themselves off.

Just like a castle protected by bars, the offended raises defences. They close themselves off to those who hurt them and, often, to those who did nothing. Everything to avoid a new pain. But by doing this, they end up imprisoning themselves.

Being offended is a choice

It’s true that we have no control over what others say or do. However, we have control over what it will do to us. The offence only comes in when we allow it.

I don’t choose the attack, but I choose whether it will hurt me or hit and come back. That’s why being offended is only easy when I give permission.

It’s almost never about the offended

Another liberating truth: almost never is it about who was injured. Most of the time, it reveals the emotional state, character or lack of control of those who attack.

Hurt people hurt. Unbalanced people explode. When I understand this, I stop absorbing the offence and start learning from what happened, deciding wisely how to deal with that person going forward.

When offence becomes a dispute

The problem arises when someone decides to “not leave it alone”. The person returns the offence, increases the tone and creates a dispute. If everyone does this, no one remains standing.

Therefore, the Word also warns us not to offend for free. I can’t use the excuse of “I’m like that” to hurt others. Jesus was clear: treat people as you would like to be treated.

The power of unforgiven resentment

When I don’t forgive, something serious happens: I become a prisoner. The person who hurt me starts to influence my decisions. I have many paths, times and places to avoid it. Without realising it, I continue to live because of them.

They leave, but start living – rent free – in my mind and in my heart. That’s living in a palace with bars in the door. A real luxury prison.

The daily hygiene of the heart

The solution is simple and spiritual. Jesus taught in the Our Father: “Forgive our debts, just as we forgive our debtors.”

Just as we take care of the body every day, we need to sanitise the heart daily. Pray, forgive, release. How many times? Seventy times seven. In other words, whenever necessary.

Those who do not forgive are still in prison. Whoever forgives chooses freedom.

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