When a husband or wife veers off into this path, it normally ends badly and involves marital strife and frustration. The path I’m talking about is this train of thought:

What are my rights in this marriage? What hasn’t my spouse done for me? Where has he(or she) left me hoping for more?

As you know, questions direct our answers. The questions above give the following command to your brain: find fault in your partner. And as a faithful servant, your brain will quickly bring you answers.

“I have the right to buy what I like too.” “He doesn’t do anything for me on special dates.” “She doesn’t take care of her looks as I would like.”

The list can be very long. And it’s a very common mistake.

Of course, there are times when these questions are needed, in an abusive relationships for example, by those who forget themselves and live in function of their partner. But the warning here is for those who have trained their thoughts to assume the position of complainer or a type of debt collector. Who likes to be charged all the time? What child dreams of being a debt collector some day? Every profession deserves credit, but let’s face it debt collecting isn’t the most desired profession.

So why assume this position in marriage?

Here’s a great discovery, things can change radically if a husband or wife simply changes their questions:

What are my obligations in this marriage? What haven’t I done for my spouse that I should be doing? Where have I left him(or her) hoping for more?

Only those who do something can charge others. Only those who change can require change. Only those who give an example can inspire others to be better.

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