27/06/2010

Marriage and sharing

“I feel really distant from my husband,” she said. “We don’t seem to have anything in common anymore.”

Many couples grow apart and don’t know why they feel disconnected. Here’s why: They’ve stopped sharing. The way it usually begins is they stop doing things together and start pursuing their own goals and interests. Suddenly, they become more excited and closer to other people who share those interests. The wife grows attached to her friends from work, with whom she spends 8 hours a day and talks about everything, not just work. The husband feels much closer to his long-time high school buddy who happens to be a fan of the same football team he loves. They share common interests. They feel close to each other.

Sharing is one of the most important things that hold a marriage together. You need to make a conscious effort to take an interest in each other’s lives. You need to let your spouse in on what’s going on in your life. You need to find out what’s going on in his/hers.

Sit down together for meals. Ask questions about his favorite football team, however little you care about football. Ask her about her workday, even if the details bore you to death. Hold hands when you go out. Talk about your future. Read a book together. Talk about expenses. Whatever.

And for the love of God, don’t let your spouse feel that you’re more excited around other people than around him/her.