“I can’t get a boyfriend.” Reason: “There aren’t any more decent men out there.”

“I’m broke and I don’t know how I’m going to get out of this.” Reason: “The competition in my industry is very fierce. You just can’t compete anymore.”

“Everything is going wrong for me, as it always does.” Reason: “If my father had spent a little more time with me when I was younger, I would not have made so many mistakes in life.”

Note that all these reasons exempt us of guilt and leave us clueless about what to do. And they also have a pain-relieving effect: If the problem is someone else and not us, then we automatically feel better. “It’s not my fault.” No wonder we like them so much.

Except that, in fact, the problem is you.

Even if there weren’t even one decent single man available (as if you knew the exact number); even if the competition is killing you; even if your father was a real scoundrel — none of this will solve your problem.

What will help you is looking at yourself and your situation and asking, “What can I do about this?”

Focus on that question and start generating ideas.

When thoughts of self-pity come to you, or you catch yourself looking for external reasons for your problem again, bring yourself back and re-focus on that question.

Don’t be surprised if you become less of a whiner, more practical, and more successful.