Cristiane and I have made several trips lately, which means spending a lot of time in hotels. And this made me think of the connection between hospitality and marriage.

As you know, the basic principle behind the hotel business is to make the guest feel comfortable, welcome, and relaxed. That’s why hotels look to offer all kinds of services and amenities from the most basic to the most luxurious.

When you arrive the bellboy takes your luggage to your room. The receptionist and other attendants of the hotel welcome you with respect and courtesy. The room is clean, as are the bathroom towels. The shower has hot water and there are even personal hygiene products, although in sample size, for you to use. When you’re hungry, you can eat at the hotel’s restaurant or order room service. On the following day, the housekeepers will clean your room, make your bed and change the towels and sheets as necessary.

Of course, all of this comes for a price, and things don’t always work as they should, but they normally work as expected.

Now think about hospitality in your marriage. Our experience with couples has showed us that it’s going out of style. These days you can practically expect hostility at home instead of hospitality. Perhaps thirty years ago this text wouldn’t be necessary. Today, it is essential.

Many couples don’t treat one another with the respect, gentleness or the courtesy that’s even more common among strangers.

You wouldn’t go back to a hotel where you were mistreated. Cristiane and I once checked in to a hotel and half an hour later had already checked-out. After all, the cockroach we found in the room wasn’t on the picture we saw on the hotel’s website. Then how come, for some reason, couples seem to think that the lack of hospitality in marriage is acceptable?

• Where are the men that used to carry a woman’s purse for her?
• What happened to that kiss that was exchanged on arrival or departure?
• Why did the freshly made dinner give way to the cold, delivered pizza, which is then just inhaled while watching television?
• Why are the clothes still in the laundry basket, waiting to be washed and ironed, when the husband most needs his best dress shirt?
• What is the name of the hurricane that swept through the kitchen, rolled around the living room and blew out the bedroom window causing a mess?
• How about that lamp in the hall way that burned out in 2010, when will it be changed?
• Where is the joy of staying home in the presence of the person you love?
• Why don’t we ever hear that “please,” “thank you” or “don’t worry, I’ll get that for you?”

If there is one place we would like to feel welcome and treated like royalty, it’s at home. But the shortcoming in this basic concept has caused a lot of friction in relationships today.

When you got married, one of the commitments you assumed was to care for your wife or husband. This is not a luxury, it’s the basic. And the question here is not who takes on the traditional domestic roles, but about the spirit of serving each other.

Hotel owners know they’ll go bankrupt if they don’t treat their guests well. Apparently, many couples still don’t understand that an emotionally bankrupt marriage has a lot to do with the same failures.