Your marriage is not going well. Routine has entered your lives and there’s no sign of it letting up any time soon. The sex, when it happens, is like that feeling you get when you pay your taxes: resentment because of the fact that you couldn’t escape that unpleasant situation. Every day that goes by you ask yourself: Do I still love this person?

Meanwhile, at work, you see that person that makes your imagination soar. Everything you don’t see in your wife or husband, you see in that person. You feel young, alive again. You exchange looks and smiles. That person compliments your talents, your intelligence, and occasionally, even that outfit you put on that morning thinking of them.

You’ve already began having an affair and you know it. Even if it’s not a physical affair yet, it’s certainly an emotional one. And now you live between the feeling of desire for adventure and the feeling of obligation to your marriage.

Now let’s freeze this frame. Stop the melodramatic music. Stop everything. Let’s understand what’s really going on, the naked truth. It can be resumed in four words:

Love dies from malnutrition.

If you stop feeding your love for your wife or husband, it dies. If you feed the feelings you have towards that other person, they will get stronger. In truth, it’s really up to you to decide. Your brain rules over your heart. But if it doesn’t rule over your heart, then your heart will rule over it and will lead your brain into making a whole lot of stupid decisions.

At this moment, your life will be filled with a whole lot of crying: by your partner, yourself and your children; you will incur financial difficulties from a possible divorce; you will suffer shame from family members and acquaintances; not to mention the years of your life you will have thrown down the drain; the unforgettable grudges that will be difficult to forgive (including the challenge of forgiving yourself)… and a million other consequences. And when you wake up to reality, if that other person even stays with you, you’ll see that they are just as imperfect as your current partner, if not worse.

So what should you do to avoid falling down this cliff of stupidity?

Kill your adulterous feelings through malnutrition. Remove any and all contact you have with the other person as well as any opportunity of being reminded of them. Conversations, photos, Facebook, telephone, gifts… Stop traveling back in that foolish time machine and never again visit the memories of things that went on between the two of you.

Get out of that job, if possible, or at least ask to be transferred to a different department. If you kill those emotions through starvation, and do this adamantly, they will disappear.

At the same time, you will have to make an effort to return to your wife or husband, with the same effort as in the beginning of your relationship. Pay more attention to her, show interest in her and what’s going on with her. This will rekindle the flame between you and your wife or husband.

Love is born and survives through nutrition.

Finally, understand that there’s a spiritual factor in all of this. Betrayal, separation, divorce, families ruined, grudges, broken promises… all of these things are behind the many evils in our lives and in today’s society. If you want to be closer to the good things, the things of God, you have to do what’s right and not what’s wrong. Above everything, you have to strengthen yourself in God so that you resist these human weaknesses.

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