Whoever forgives an offense seeks love, but whoever keeps bringing up the issue separates the closest of friends. Proverbs 17:9

Your husband or wife did something wrong. Perhaps he or she lied. Held back the truth. Perhaps there was deception. Betrayal. He or she did something that hurt you deeply.

You have two options: to forgive or hold a grudge.

Holding a grudge is a lot of trouble. You have to keep remembering what happened, keep watching that horror film in your mind over and over again, feeding that anger and feeling of injustice… And of course, throwing it in the persons face when it’s convenient or inconvenient. It’s not for everybody. A lot of dedication is required.

The other option is to forgive, an intelligent decision which takes only a couple of seconds. To make a mental effort to overcome the negative feelings each time that the memory of what happened comes back. With time, the feelings will die because of the lack of sustenance until total forgiveness takes over.  This is much easier, faster and practical.

But there are those who insist on what’s harder, and not intelligent. But they don’t simply insist on feeding the grudge, but they end up ruining their friendship, preventing the restoration of the relationship.

If your partner made a mistake but is sincerely sorry and is trying hard to change, you shouldn’t ruin this process by digging up the past and using pain to punish him or her. It’s a fact than many make mistakes and don’t repent. They insist on making that mistake. If your partner has acted in this way, you will have to take a stronger position.

But if a sincere change is going on, don’t ruin what’s left of your friendship.

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