I’ve been married for 5 months. About two weeks ago my husband received a message on his cellphone which I looked at. A message which read: “Did you stop talking because your wife was nearby? Does your wife suspect anything? I went into a state of shock after reading this. I looked at him and he said it was just a joke. But then I called her and she told me everything. On Christmas, we traveled to his hometown, where she lives, and one day he told me he was going to go wash the car when he really went to see this person. He stopped by a flower shop and bought a gift for her (but he didn’t buy anything for me because he said we were spending a lot due to the construction of our house and the trip.) She said that before I met him, he had asked her to marry him but then he traveled to the city we live in, where we met, began dating and then got married. According to her, they didn’t have anything going on. When I asked him, he told me the same thing. He said he went there to give her a gift as a way of apologizing because he had asked her to marry him and then two months later he was already dating me. Due to all this, I asked for a divorce; but he says he loves me, asked for forgiveness and recognized his mistake, but I don’t know what to think. I’m hurt, confused, sad, and I feel betrayed. I haven’t been able to forgive him or forget any of this. We had so many plans, but they were all undone, I feel a pain in my chest. Please help me.

— A. P.

It seems like your husband did something really dumb due to a feeling of guilt for having ended his relationship with the other person the way he did. Sometimes, men are this naive. They want to please everyone. They don’t want to lose the admiration of the ex, and so they end up losing the admiration, respect, and confidence of the wife.

He could also just be a scoundrel and a cheat. If so, you will know sooner or later. But according to what you said, it seems to me that it was just something stupid he did.

You have to evaluate what happened and weigh his true intentions very well. Although he messed up badly, has he really repented and is he willing to work on your marriage? Or does he seem like he wants to go back to his ex?

If you see that he wants to stay with you, then your attitude should be to forgive and from now on the two of you have to work on rebuilding trust. [Read more about this.]

Additionally, it seems like you don’t know each other very well. So, there’s a lot to talk about, open up to one another, and explore each other’s lives. It’s normal because you’ve been married for such a short time. But you need to invest in this.

Propose that you start over and go back to the time you were dating. Talk a lot, open your heart to him, and let him do the same with you. Get to know his roots, his family, things that make him happy, the sorrow he’s gone through, and talk about yours. Sometimes a couple doesn’t know each other very well, even though they’re married.

You can beat this, working together. And then what happened can become what strengthens you as a couple even more. This problem could be an opportunity.

I suggest you read the book Bullet-Proof Marriage and do all the tasks together.

We’re praying for you.

Also read:

[related_posts]