Questions from Bibiana Maia, a reporter from Jornal Expresso

An Interview with Renato and Cristiane Cardoso

Why do you think you are a role-model?

We don’t think we are “role-models”. We are just a couple who’s gone through a lot of problems during our first 12 years of marriage, found an efficient way to solve them and now work hard to transmit to other couples what we’ve learned.

When have you found out you could help other couples?

When we started to see couples struggling with problems that could be easily resolved if they’d have learned what we’ve learned. That was in 2008, while we were working in Houston, Texas.

Do you believe there is only one soulmate to every person?

No, we don’t. This is a myth with no logical or intelligent ground.

What is the role of the man and the woman in the marriage?

Both have multiple roles. In general, the husband is the one who transmits security to his wife, and she is what was missing in his life — his right arm, support and balance.

Should the woman submit to the man?

Not with the negative meaning the word “submit” has gained through the last decades. The original idea of marriage is of mutual submission, both from the woman towards the man, as well as the man towards the woman, according to the role each one has to play. Marriage is a partnership. In a partnership, every partner submits to one another for the good of the company. For example, one partner has the knowledge about the business, the other has the capital to invest, so both must submit to one another in regards to their particular role. The same happens in marriage. It has nothing to do with the woman being less than the man.

How do you see sex in the relationship?

Sex in the marriage goes way beyond mere physical pleasure. Full sexual pleasure can only be achieved when there is total intimacy and trust. Unfortunately, few couples know this kind of sex. Most only know the one that is merely physical and even in these cases, oftentimes, the pleasure isn’t mutual. There is a huge lack of good sexual education for people.

When should the relationship start being bulletproofed?

From the moment one is born! I mean, the sooner, the better. If a child is born in a well-structured home, from parents who have a solid marriage, that already lays the foundation to bulletproofing their marriage in the future. They have a good reference concerning what is a home, a husband and wife. Relationship education must continue throughout adolescence in order to prepare youths to choose their boyfriend or girlfriend wisely. Sadly, the majority of divorce cases start during the dating period, due to poor choices and overlooking incompatibility signs that appear at this stage but go unnoticed.

What are the first three steps?

The first three steps to start bulletproofing your relationship are: (1) Submit your heart (your feelings) to the instruction from your head (intelligence); (2) Recognize the potential threats to your relationship and protect yourself against them; (3) Create your own culture within your marriage instead of copying the culture presented by the media.

Can a marriage on the verge of divorce still be saved? What would be the first step?

Yes, it can. The first step is: both people (even though it usually starts with one) must recognize their own mistakes, start to change themselves and stop trying to change their partner.

Should singles who want to find love go for it or wait?

They should neither wait passively nor go for it being overly eager. They should be proactive.

Where can one find love?

True love has no address, but the fake one does. For example: you probably won’t find love in a brothel. People should think about pathways to love rather than places in which to find it. A safe path to love is to make good friendships. We make good friends by becoming a good friend ourselves. Most happy couples were good friends before their relationship started or have mutual friends who introduced them to one another.

Could you elaborate a three-question test to find out if the reader’s marriage has been lukewarm, hot or cold?

Rate questions one and two from 1 to 10 and answer question number three with the most approximate number to the best of your knowledge:

1. What is the level of trust between you two? (1-10: ___)
2. How sure are you that this relationship will last “till death do you part”? (1-10: ___)
3. In the last three months, how many times have you felt emotionally neglected by your partner? (___)

Results: add the score of questions one and two; 20 points, hot; from 12 to 19, lukewarm; from 2 to 11, cold. For question three, zero means hot; from one up to three means lukewarm; more than that means cold.

**You can find the Bulletproof Marriage book here.

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