We will soon celebrate 23 years of marriage, and through working with couples on a daily basis for several years, I have learned one thing: a happy love life does not depend on luck, Cupid, finding the right one, or a person’s belief in God.

Those who think it is a matter of luck must believe in luck. And those who believe in luck must also believe in bad luck. And as with any game of chance, the chances of getting good luck are much smaller than the chances of getting bad luck. The chances of losing the lottery are infinitely higher than the chances of winning. The chances of losing at dominoes, card games, bingo, etc, are always higher than the chances of winning. Are you sure you want to base your love life on luck?

Those who believe in Cupid, soulmates, or that love is written in the stars really need to educate themselves a little more. Enough said.

Those who think a happy marriage depends on finding the right person really need all the luck in the world.

And to those who think that believing in God is enough to be happy in love, please explain so many Christians who are divorced or keeping up the façade of a marriage.

A happy love life quite simply is the result of hard work. A happy marriage is possible and very good, but it takes a lot of work. It is not coincidence. It is not automatic.

Cristiane and I believe in God but one day she said she wanted to leave me. If soulmates exist, I’m not Cristiane’s soulmate or vice versa. For 12 long years, there were many gaps in our relationship just because we did not complete each other perfectly. Our luck in marriage was taking us down the tubes.

Things only changed when we understood that if our marriage were to work, it would have to be through our own efforts.

Change this, stop being selfish, recognize what needs to be changed, make an effort to be different, use common sense over emotions, seek God but also do your part—this is pretty much how everything changed.

And it was not something we did at that time but, after the problems were solved, we left undone. No. Until today, every day, we continue working on our relationship. We have to pay attention to each other. We have to be cautious about the anti-marriage culture around us. And we have to keep our relationship with God in good order, as this is what gives us the ability to practice what we know.

If we can do it, so can you. It’s up to you. And you can start now.

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