Here’s a fact that’s plain to see: When a couple is going through a crisis, usually it is the woman who makes the first move to get help. In fact, even before the crisis begins, any little issue she is confronted with in the relationship, she’ll probably mention it to her best friend at the first opportunity. Her hope is that her friend will give her a good advice.
Now the man usually does this:
- The woman shows the first signs of being discontent; he ignores them.
- She intensifies the signs; he thinks she is going through PMS and continues to ignore her.
- A fight ensues, he gets upset, they exchange harsh words and he tells her to pull herself together because he doesn’t have time for that.
- He tries to spend his time with other things — work, friends, TV, Internet, etc. — to avoid getting an earful from her.
- She becomes bitter, resentful; she starts to demand more attention from him, to point out where he is leaving a lot to be desired; he thinks she is losing her mind.
- She insists on asking him to take some time to discuss the relationship; he keeps telling her he doesn’t have time for that and even if he did, “there is nothing to be discussed”.
- The fights happen more often, both are more hurt and more absent from each other’s life.
- Sex happens once in a blue moon; he tries to get satisfaction through other means; she gets more and more frustrated, suspicious and insecure.
- The atmosphere is hostile, two lives practically apart from one another under the same roof; it is a cold war, with fights in between that are less frequent, but each time more aggressive.
- One day, the woman packs up her things, takes the kids and leaves. Now, it dawns on the husband that a problem has been there all along and he wants a chance to solve it. Maybe he will even look for help. The thing is, unfortunately, she has already decided to give up fighting for the marriage.
I have observed the above stages numerous times. If you are going through a crisis in your marriage, you may even spot in which of these stages you currently are.
I am not saying that every marriage will end up this way, or that the man is always to blame. What I am stressing here is that, in most cases, men are proud, passive and lazy when it comes to relationship problems. That is why I ask the ladies to excuse me, because now I will address to the few men that are reading this message:
When are you going to wake up and act like a man in this relationship? When are you going to be the real head, a true leader, and take the first step to save your marriage? Will it take another man to rescue your wife because you were not enough for her? If you really want help and want to take the first step, then here are some for you to chose from.
A leader is the one who takes the first step. The head is the one who thinks.