thumb do blog Renato Cardoso
thumb do blog Renato Cardoso

IntelliMen Challenge #24


Men. Intelligent.™


Challenge #24

Don’t start before completing Challenge #23.
If you want to join the IntelliMen Project, start from Challenge #1.


Challenge: Learn to say “yes” and “no” more courageously.

Explanation: All of us do this now and then (okay let’s be straight forward, always.) We say “no” when we should say “yes,” and “yes” when we should say “no.” “A job opportunity for manager opened up, are you going to apply?” “No, who am I…” “They’re probably going to give it to someone who’s more qualified or someone who the boss really likes.” “Son, I know you were going to go out with your wife this weekend, but I need you to help me move.” “Yes Mom.”

Have you ever had instant regret after you said yes to someone? You felt that you committed to more than you should have and complicated your life as a result? I have. Many times.

If on one hand saying “yes” in the place of saying “no” makes us feel bad, saying “no” in the place of “yes” normally brings a good feeling, even if temporary. It’s because every time we say “no” we run away from a challenge, avoid a situation that will require a more courageous action on our part. In the above example, applying for the manager opening would require courage to show ambition, to believe in oneself, and perhaps be rejected. It would be to leave ones comfort zone. Yet, what we normally do when we’re faced with such an option is to say “no,” and stay where we feel comfortable and safe. Note that I said “feel” comfortable and safe, in other words, we have the illusion of comfort and security. In truth, for the most part our comfort zone is uncomfortable and insecure. Ask any person who lost their “secure” job, unexpectedly.

In short, we have to be more courageous with our “yes’” than are no’s,” especially the most important ones. We use these words dozens of times every day, whether in an audible or silent way, with other people or ourselves. Yes, I’m going to get up now. No, I’m going to sleep a little bit more. Yes, I accept another piece of cake. No, I’m full thanks. Yes, I’m going to check my Facebook now. No, I don’t have time to pray right now, I’ll do it later.

You wouldn’t do anything without using yes or no. Learning to use them correctly will bring much better results in your life.

I call these words “deciders.” They are words of decisions. And decisions are what change our lives, take note of how and why you use these deciders. When you use one of these deciders note to who you are saying yes or no to, yourself, another person, God? Then, see how you’re using that decider. Is it automatic, out of habit, or carefully considered? And finally, why are you saying yes or no, or what triggers that decider? Cowardice? Fear of displeasing someone? Laziness? The illusion of comfort?

If you notice that you are using a decider in a wrong way, you will invert it immediately. Your yes will become a no and vice-versa.

Notebook: Write one or two sentences in your notebook concluding what’s the most important thing you learned in this challenge.

Official Partner: Speak to your partner about the challenge. Talk about your experiences this week while policing your deciders.

Deadline: You may begin working on this task immediately and complete it before Challenge #25 which will be launched a week from now.

Post: After – and only after – you have completed the challenge, post your comments – on the IntelliMenWorld Facebook or Twitter page, (not on your own page) and write the following:

IntelliMen Challenge #24 done: I learned to say “yes” and “no” more courageously. (Write additional comments: for example, were you able to change a yes to a no or vice-versa because of this challenge? What was the result?)

Links: (when tweeting, use @intelliMenworld)


Verification Checklist

I intently observed how I used my deciders
When I noticed incorrect use, I inverted my decider
I took notes in my Notebook
I spoke to my Partner about the challenge
I posted my comments on Facebook/Twitter



Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one. – Jesus