My husband has had many affairs, but I’ve always taken him back. Finally I couldn’t stand being rejected anymore and I had an affair myself.  Now he blames me for ruining our marriage and says he’ll never trust me again. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself.

Dana P. – Missouri City

Dana, of course the unfaithfulness of your husband is a serious breach of trust. Yet your passive reaction over the years, tolerating and accepting your cheating spouse opened up the relationship to become a free-for-all.  I’m all for forgiveness but after repeated offenses, drastic measures have to be taken. Your passivity and forgiving attitude without demanding change sent your husband a loud and clear message:  “I don’t value myself, I’m not worth fighting for, our marriage vows are bendable, I may whine and complain, but I’ll let you use me again.” 

Your own standards for marriage have fallen so low that you did exactly what you have hated in your husband. A tolerance for bad behavior opens the doors for you to fall right into it yourself. The key to change is for you to raise the standards you expect of yourself and your husband and then accept nothing less. You might want to attend our new Couples Class every Thursday 7pm.