As a parent and a counselor to parents, I have observed many ways in which we hinder our children’s progress and maturity in life. And one of them is when we try to rescue them every time they get into trouble.

A parent I was counseling recently was having problem with her 24-old daughter. She still lives with her mom, refuses to get a job, doesn’t want to finish her studies — she basically lives off her mom, who works hard and barely manages to keep the bills paid. Not only does she still live in the house and doesn’t help with the bills, she also wants her mom to give her money for cigarettes, drinks, and when she goes out with her friends.

From time to time, her daughter gets into trouble either because she needs money for something and doesn’t have it or because she borrowed money from someone else and is now under pressure to pay back. Whatever the case, what usually happens is she runs to her mom and says “I need money for….” Her mom, amid whining and lecturing her, always bails her out.

That mom is what I call the savior parent. She can’t help but think that if she doesn’t rescue her child from her troubles, something terrible is going to happen to her.

All parents have a savior instinct. It’s only natural to want to make sure your children are well and safe. The difference is that better parents learn to hold back from rescuing their child every time he or she needs it. They understand that one of the most effective learning experiences they can give their child is to LET THEM FAIL and face the consequences of their actions from time to time.

If you have been making this mistake, quit trying to be your child’s savior. Your role is to teach them what is right and live out that role yourself. It’s their role to follow it for their own good. If they don’t, let life teach them the ultimate lesson.